Once and Forever More a Bastard
by Brave Princess
Summary: Bash, can't stop thinking about what could have been. What should have been...


**A/N: So I started watching another show and boy is my otp killing me! I wanted to have a Bash pov on the day Mary gets married to Francis because he got brushed over and I'm not okay with that. So for all You Mash shippers I hope you enjoy. And of course I don't own Reign I'm just borrowing the characters for a bit. ;)**

Watching her kiss Francis was killing Bash. He could give her up because he knew deep down no one would ever love him, a bastard. But being forced to stand and watch him touch her the way he could only imagine. Kiss her the way he once had. And hold her tightly like he had not even a day ago, was too much. His father's cruel way of showing him what he could never have was beyond any pain he had experienced before.

When Mary noticed Bash's presence and looked up while Francis continued with kissing her neck, Bash thought he saw pain in her eyes as well. But that thought was short lived. She looked away and continued with the bedding ceremony.

Francis had once said he envied Bash. If Francis wasn't such a self-centered and entitled ass, he thought, he would know that the mere thought of envying him was a joke. Bash had always been looked down upon. A bastard, his title since before he was born. whilst Francis was the next king of France, betrothed to the queen of Scots, loved by all...Oh yes, Bash thought, Francis has so much to envy.

The bitter poison of his thoughts were fueling his rage but above all else he just wanted to disappear. He wanted to black out the noises Mary made. The movements of her body next to Francis. But his eyes were locked on her hoping with all his will that his gaze could pry Francis off of her and pierce his selfish heart in the process.

He knew his thoughts were beyond reason and revenge would never make Mary his. But for the first time, in a very long time, Bash allowed this one moment to want. Because a life in the French courts, a bastard is not allowed to want. But with Mary, all Bash could do is want.

From the beginning she could never be his. He was content with that, all he wanted then was to just see her happy. But time and fate are cruel because they both tricked him for way too long. Once he first made her smile he knew he could not just be content to see her be happy, but to be the one who made her happy.

For a time, he knew for certain, he made her very happy. But so did Francis, and that is what was killing him with every passing second during the woman he loves, bedding ceremony.

Perhaps it was mercy, perhaps pity, whatever the reason Bash's father allowed Bash to leave before the deed was complete. However he wasn't granted freedom. Guards took him to his room. Of course the king would anticipate his need to escape. So Bash poured himself a drink to drain all memories of the past day but his anguish wouldn't allow it.

He sat on his bed and thought about his and Mary's time together. The first time she kissed him. _She_ always kissed _him_ first. He was completely and utterly in love with Mary but his love wouldn't change her choice. The young queen of Scotland had made him believe he could be great. That what he thought he always was could be changed. That he wouldn't just be the king's bastard. That he could be a great man. King. Husband...But now he was nothing once more.

She said she loved him, but not as much as Francis. Sitting in him room with a once full bottle of wine, he wondered if that was true. If she really loved Francis more than him. Maybe it was his pride in the way but those words didn't seem true coming from her lips. They seemed rehearsed, like she knew regardless of what she felt, it was the only right thing to say in the end. Because love can't be the main focus of people in her position. She said she loved Francis more, but Bash was very confident that what she really said in so few words was that she loved Scotland more than any feelings she had for him or Francis. And Francis was the choice that would secure Scotland.

Now with an empty bottle and heart Bash couldn't keep his bitter regret inside. So he threw the wine bottle into the stone walls, where it shattered as quickly as his world. But that wouldn't satisfy his dark mood so he shattered the nearest breakable objects into his wall. He didn't care what they were or their worth. After breaking the contents of his night stand Bash couldn't hold himself up any longer. His anger was completely gone, but what was left was more painful. His mother once told him his heart was too big for a bastard, and now Bash knew it was true because he could feel every tear within his chest as he thought of what could have been. But Bash would not shed tears because Mary wouldn't either. He was determined to be what he once was, content with simply seeing Mary happy. With seeing Francis get everything that could have been his. With being a bastard. Because that is what Sebastian was, and that is what he would always be.

**A/N: Hope that didn't depress you too much. I felt such sadness watching the episode and I wanted to capture it in my writing hope you enjoyed please leave a review if you'd be so kind to do so, I'd love to hear your opinions.**


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